Full of FORTY years

You guys!! I’m so excited for my birthday this year. Why? Because I’m going to be FORTY! The big 4-0. Not the new 30, but a full forty years!

I’m pretty bummed that this whole pandemic thing will seriously impact any real celebration but I suppose in light of the big picture, not celebrating me is a relatively small thing.

And now you’re wondering if I’m being sarcastic. I’m not. But I wasn’t always excited about milestone birthdays. I vaguely remember impatiently waiting for my 18th birthday and the independence it signified but after that I must have greatly matured in patience because I don’t remember counting down the days until I turned 30? No, this celebrating of years passing is relatively new and I suspect the Lord, and my children, have something to do with it. Or more accurately, the way the Lord has used my kids to teach me the value of years.

When we received the kids’ diagnosis, one of the first things that hit me in the gut was reading the case studies and seeing the lifespan of untreated CTX patients. I think most parents realize, in some remote part of their psyche, that there is a possibility of out living their children but there is something about coming face to face with that reality that takes a parent’s breath away. Whether we consciously think of it or not, we have plans for our children. We might not have planned our daughter’s wedding, or thought of names for our grandchildren, but we wonder if little Johnny with the great fine motor skills will be a mechanic like Dad or if little Jenny with the flare for arguments will be an attorney like grandpa. We at least plan for them to have a life full of years, even if we don’t map out said years. We take if for granted that they will at least see the years we have seen. Or at least I did.

It was when I started thinking about the years my kids could miss that I truly started celebrating the years we have. The years we’ve been given. I started remembering something….

Genesis 25:8

And Abraham passed away and died in a good old age, old and full of years. And he was gathered to his people.

Full of years

I started to think not about the time I’m losing, the things I’m losing, but about what I’ve gained. That the years are full of days and days of minutes and minutes full of moments that have created memories and character and lessons and wisdom that make up…. a lifetime. Which means, the more years I’m given, the more I get to celebrate.

April 22nd, I will celebrate forty years FULL. Full of laughter, tears, new adventures and less fear. I will celebrate gained peace, wisdom, weight and even the lines around my eyes. (Incidentally, I will NOT be celebrating gravity). Because I haven’t lost a thing (Nope, not a pound). Even the moments, days, and a couple of years in which I thought I lost the most, I gained. I might not have been able to see at the time, but even those years of loss were FULL… of hidden blessings.

Now, present circumstances considered, I don’t see much chance for birthday presents. But that’s okay! Why? Because, I already have the greatest gift of all. It’s a gift I open anew every morning. The gift of the Gospel. Every morning I am able to fully embrace the day, yet hold it in open hands. Whether He gives me another forty years, or calls me Home that day, I can rest in the knowledge that because of the atoning blood of Christ Jesus I know there will be no death for me, not even when He determines I’m full of years. I’ll celebrate that gift this Easter Sunday… and will wait to celebrate 40 years when I can do it with cake!