Sometimes I wrestle with the things I’m being asked to carry. And I have, in my head, cheerfully throttled many a person that has attempted to tell me that God only gives us what we can handle. Because that’s an enormous lie from the pit. I have learned that He gives us exactly what we can’t handle on our own. To draw us closer to Him and reveal our great need for Him. A severe mercy. There’s a great book on it.
Anyways, here is an allegory of God disabusing me of the lie of independence. Again.
We’re walking hand in hand through the terminal, His hand warm and strong in mine. This isn’t the first stop on our journey and it won’t be our last. I’m a little jet lagged at times with the speed of our travels and at other times impatiently, anxiously waiting for Him to let me know it’s time to move. Some stops are in far off, isolated locales full of discomfort and trial and I’m eager to leave, while others are familiar places of comfort and peace where I’d like to rest until He calls me home. Alas, my next stop does not appear to be home.
Have you ever noticed the melting pot of the airport? We pass the down trodden, the high rolling, the anxious, the weary and worst, the poised and perfect that have got it all figured out. But where my Lord walks, there follows a wake of peace. The air doesn’t dare stir in His presence without permission. Brushed by grace and mercy, people stop to stare, drawn by His irresistible love, even if they don’t know why. I smile because I do know why, and grab His hand a little tighter. Confident in only one thing. He is mine and I am His.
We approach the carousel and I let go of His hand to search out my baggage. I see it in the far corner, imagining the maze of complicated belts, speeding carts and rough handling the sad little bag has probably been through. I’ll admit my extensive research on this is solely derived from Toy Story 2. As I watch my bag round the first corner I am trying not to covet the ones next to it. You’ve seen them, the hard shiny sides with fancy luggage tags and wheels that rotate and don’t get stuck on the moving walkways. I glance back at Him to see if He saw me longing for the pretty paisley bag and smiled sheepishly because, of course He did. We’ve talked about that before. He knows I don’t like my bag. He gave it to me though so I’ve tried really hard to not complain about it. Because He’s good. So I know there’s a reason He gave the sad, shabby, not chic, bag to me.
I look back just in time to reach out and grab the handle. Which promptly slips out of my grasp and moves out of reach in front of other travelers. Not only is the bag not attractive, it’s heavy. I have carried it around for years and to be honest, the thought of carrying it around forever makes my heart grow heavy and start to race. I suddenly feel far more tired than I was ten minutes ago and there seems to be less air in the room around me. My eyes are glued on the bag now and I’m preparing for it’s next pass. The darn thing is so heavy. This time, I’m going to roll up my sleeves and use both hands. It rounds the curve and I reach out with both hands, give a good tug, and manage to lift it a whole three inches. It bumps up onto the side, spins, and lands back on the belt, now with the handle facing the wrong direction. Okay, now I’m frustrated.
This bag is too heavy, it’s not what I want and now I’m convinced it’s going to be the death of me. I’ve got Someone waiting for me, I’ve got things I want to do and other places I want to be. I want nothing more at this point than to leave it behind and let it be someone else’s problem. But it’s my bag. He gave it to me. I know it’s mine for a reason and He has a plan for me and that particular bag. So I will suck it up, pull myself up by my bootstraps, and get MY bag! I’m formulating a new plan. Leverage. I’ll need leverage. Perhaps a foot on the carousel and I’ll put my back into it! It comes around again and I’m not sure if it’s my imagination, but it definitely appears to be coming faster. I’m thinking of past failures and future attempts; lugging this bag for the rest of my earthly days, and I almost lose my resolve. But, chin up, with a stiff upper lip (whatever that means) I place a foot on the side of the carousel, grab the handle and with a mighty tug, promptly land on my butt. Without the bag.
And now I’m sitting on the floor of the terminal, which has to be tantamount to licking a door handle, and I want to give up. I want to go home. I want to brush the germs off my backside, wipe the tears from my eyes and retreat. That’s when I realize. Twenty whole minutes and I lost my peace. I tear my gaze from the insufferable bag cheerfully careening around the carousel and see Him waiting behind me. He gives me His hand, counts my tears, and says, “Yes, I gave it to you, but you were never meant to carry it alone.”
With a deep breath, I stop watching for the bag and start watching my God. We approach one last time, He leans over and pulls it off the belt and says, “Now, follow me.” I am back where I’m supposed to be, carrying my cross and walking in the wake of His mercy and grace. Moving on to our next stop, wherever that is.
I can’t do this life, and what He has called me to, by myself. All the planning, all the list making, all the hard work, all the pulling up of bootstraps (seriously, does anyone have bootstraps anymore?) just isn’t enough. Yet I try. Over and over. And He lets me. And waits patiently for me to turn around and ask for help.
I see Oldest Son trying to do all the things, by himself. I see Baby Girl wrestling fear like her mama and her baggage. I see Mini Hubby trying to figure out where he leaves off and prayer starts. I see us all believing the lie of SELF sufficiency. So how do I help remind us that we do not carry our burdens alone? This is my idea. A separate slot for Mom & Dad, Oldest Son, Baby Girl and Mini Hubby. My plan is to read through our prayer requests on occasion so we can turn them into praise.
28 Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.